It is always a moment of going through emotions whenever I write about my kid. He has now completed two years and I just realized so much has changed since my last entry. He has now started building his dictionary and trying to express himself with whatever words he can use. We can now exchange verbal communication and he uses Telugu (words like “aiiyo” and rest we don’t understand), at times Hindi and many a times English as well to drag our attention or to perverse or to caress us. Another observation is his dominant sense to look good and spending minutes in front of mirror after being dressed up and watching himself from all the possible angles. Without any second thought I can say this element has passed down from my wife to him. He has lost all the traces of whatever little baby fat he had and has become lot slimmer (we are still hoping him to gain some weight). My two year old loves to imitate the dance moves he sees on TV (specially for songs featuring Salman Khan) and tries to sing or at least manages to make some rhythmic sounds. His favorite leisure activity is crooning Kolaveri di and favorite actor is Salman Khan (for the above mentioned reason).

Need not to mention that my little one is learning to fool us innocently by making excuses early morning to avoid going to pre-school. It’s such a fun to see his face turning sour when we take him to bathe. His bent towards chocolates has made Pooja and I to stop even murmuring the word chocolate. We immediately pounce at the TV remote to change the channel whenever it shows a chocolate commercial. He is becoming more and more astute with each passing day. Seems it was yesterday when I first lifted him in my arms.

Time is running so fast ! Wish I could slow down this process….

Anna Hazare’s crusade against corruption has revived the 42 year old ongoing Lokpal Bill discussion and brought common people together to think of a better and efficient way to fight against corruption. I do not possess great knowledge on judiciary and politics, but I feel the current skeleton of Lok Pal bill cannot go much ahead on the curve as other anti corruption acts in India. Lokpal bill revolves around the public grievances and hence there should be greater role of public in this anti-corruption bill. After being presented in Lok-Sabha for more than 10 times in last 42 years, this is the high time to get go signal for Lokpal Bill when we are witnessing a pinnacle of corruption.

Considering the procedural complexities involve in Indian judiciary system, this bill is being seen as a quicker and easier mean of delivering justice by addressing public grievances. One of the most controversial times in independence India, emergency imposed by Indira Gandhi, necessitated the inclusion of Prime Minister within the purview of the Lokpal. Keeping out government officers from the bill, will dilute its core purpose. Remember, politics drills down to bureaucracy and politicians and bureaucrats are always (or often) partners in crime. But this comes with an inherent flaw as well. You can never assume the judgment as impartial especially if the complaint is against a government officer because that officer may enjoy departmental advantage and alliance.

When all is said and done, we cannot deny the fact how corruption is threatening the growth momentum of India. We do need a strong mechanism in place to deal with corruption. If not more, we all can at least support Anna Hazare’s struggle by whatever means.

जो यात्रा, प्याज के २० रुपये प्रति किलो से शुरू हुई,
वो ६५ रुपये के नए आयाम को छू गई,
तरक्की और स्पीड तो देखो,
जापान की बुलेट ट्रेन को भी पीछे छोड़ गई |

कुछ और विश्लेषण करें,
इकसठ से बासठ तक के सफ़र का अगर,
लास वेगास और मियामी से भी ज़्यादा,
हॅपनिंग अपना देश रहा |

अमरीका में मार्क ज़ुक्केरबेर्ग बिलियनेर बना,
तो हमारे यहाँ,
टू जी की स्पीड से ए राजा,
उसका भी बाप बना |

कॉमन वेल्थ गेम्स करा,
कलमाडी ने क्या खूब झंडा गाड़ा,
बार्गैनिन्ग का अर्थ बदला,
चार-चार आने के उपकर्नो को,
लाखों-लाख में खरीदा |

गणतंत्र हमारा,
अभी कम बुलंद हुआ था,
कि अशोक चावान ने स्वर्णिम अध्याय जोड़ा
जब आपका-हमारा हिस्सा कम पड़ा,
शहीदों का “आदर्श” भी खाया और पचाया |

नही है मंशा “अनुपम” की,
सिर्फ़, कमियाँ आज गिनाने की,
निवेदन कहो, या पुकार है
बिखरते गणतंत्र को संगठित करने की |

All in all a good year ended on positive note and now looking for another gratifying year. A bit painful to stay away from family but I am hopeful to reap rich reward of this sacrifice. Concurrently I had been struggling with my allergic rhinitis problem which aggravated in last few month’s even after undergoing a surgery 3 years ago. When a renowned ENT specialist in Hyderabad declared the one more surgery as the only option and that’s too within 15 days (later came to know he suggests surgery to 95% of his patients), I decided to go the other way which elders had been suggesting for years. I gave my new year’s resolution a yogic twist and today being 9^th consecutive day since the start of year 2011 that I have been practicing Yoga. I sincerely hope this would help me to get over this chronic problem (with one surgery experience already in my kitty, I just cannot think of another).

Although I am not a new year’s resolution kinda person as it sets me up for failure, but my evil sinister plan of pounding down alcohol is yet not gone (with some dispensations) and entire credit to be given to the problem I just mentioned above. Now the time to say bye for now as Rajeev is busy in making Litti-Chokha for dinner and I need to pretend to be with him . Also today is the time for dispensation I was referring to a while ago

Many congratulations on your first birthday!

I don’t know when would you be reading this letter and I am not sure whether I would be able to preserve this for you till the time you are grown enough to read and understand. But I wanted to feel glad that I savored the moments and recorded them in my own way for you to relish sometime in future.

I won’t use your first birthday to lecture you with heavy fatherly words. We can wait for probably few more years to strike such talks. I would better love to recall how the past one year has passed by. It seems it was yesterday when you came knocking the door early morning, a few minutes before Six O’ Clock.

A year ago your mom was lying in hospital. The indecision whether to go for surgery or wait for a normal delivery was debilitating us. Just a few days before your birth, we were given a hint that it was a baby boy, though we were least bothered about that. After a lot of hustle-bustle, your mom was operated upon and you came into this world. Since then you have been a miracle for us.

I remember your first 12 days in this world which I spent with you and your mom before moving back to my work place, leaving both of you with your grandparents. It was a mesmerizing feeling while holding you as if you were a 20 inches long real lifelike toy. Those 12 days passed by in no time and I kept palpitating till I met you after 2 months and this time I managed to stay with and your mom for close to 10 days. I could notice that you grew at tremendous pace and now you were able to balance your neck to some extent. You had started responding to sound, it was indeed a fun to play with you. And soon I had to leave again for my workplace and started waiting for your mother’s maternity leave to end. In the last month of six months long maternity off, your mother moved to stay with your maternal grandparents. Incidentally Holi fell during the same period and fortunately I could manage to come to meet you both to celebrate your first Holi. I was desperately waiting for you and your mom to join me in Hyderabad and I was the happiest person on 18^th March 2010 when both of you touched the soil of Nizams.

A great phase of my life thus started. My life was complete with a beautiful and caring wife and a loving son. Every evening I would wait to finish the day as soon as possible to rush for home and play with you. I and your mom ensured that we would come to home during lunch every day to see you and it really didn’t matter if we missed several official outings and parties . You were growing infront of me, learning different new activities with each passing day. You started making different and strange cooing sounds by popping your lips. It was a great fun to see you doing all these stuffs. Soon you learnt to demand whatever you liked in your way of creating grating sound.

Time passed by and because of various reasons (of course to provide you best upbringing), you and your mom left me again to stay with my parents, your paternal grandparents in Lucknow. And because of professional reasons, I missed your first birthday son. Now I am here and seeing you after a gap of more than two and a half months. I was surprised to see the way you were trying to recognize me. You first denied coming to me when I entered the house, and then you crawled towards kitchen door and continued staring at me for a few minutes as if you were trying to flashback to your memories to recognize me. After sometime, you were comfortable to be friends with me. I was now more mesmerized with your newly learnt activities. I saw you first time taking few steps but missed watching you when you would have walked first.

Now that you left with your mom to attend a function at you maternal grandparents place, I am eagerly waiting for both of you to return so that I could spend some quality time with you before going back to Hyderabad. Keep on writing new pages in your life’s notebook and allow me to read new lessons every day.

Thank you for being so beautiful  and loving.

I am obviously missing my family every day and every hour and sometimes even dissapointed by my decision. But this sudden and tricky transition to a bachelor’s (forced) life from a happy married life never had a woe because of the good friends being around. But the day today, has been overshadowed by the sting of mising my son’s first birthday. After missing third consecutive Diwali without wife (still have to open an account to be with wife on Diwali) and parents, and missing many more family functions in past few years, this one was more painful to bear.

I could not do anything other than envisioning the series of events that would have taken place since morning at my home. The day started for Darsh with “Satyanarayan Katha” and ended with an outdoor function. And I held myself waiting till 11:30 night to see some pictures of entire day’s activities. I was experiencing a lot of unrest and mayhem before I got to see the pictures which came to me as soothing and conforting touch.

Wish I was there with everybody, been a part morning prayer, bought Darsh a new set of clothes, chose the best birthday cake for my dude and enjoyed the celebrations at night.

Today was her last day in office and I chatted with her last time on sametime. I was so used to being with her 24 hours a day that a mere thought of not finding her sametime status appearing green in office from coming Monday makes me feel disturbed. To add more to worst, she will leave Hyderabad on 27^th September in my absence and I would not be even there to see her off. The house we built gradually in close to 3 years of our marriage life would scatter in a moment. My son and wife, both will go to Lucknow to stay away from me.

I remember how we had added every single household item, sometimes taking loan and the other time waiting for next month’s salary. Now everything went on to advertisement portals for sale. Heard several times from elders that sometimes life forces you to take tough decisions but never imagined I would also have to take one such. Never wanting either to put a 9 months old baby in a Crèche or compromise my wife’s career (she was always willing to quit), I pushed her to go to my hometown to explore opportunities and stay there with my parents until baby grows enough to be able to put in a Daycare.

I am trying to be honest here that I never realised the gravity of the decision then, but now it is getting heavier. Being not able to see her in office has agitated me this much that I cannot imagine how would I go and continue in the house without her back in Hyderabad where we both started our life and spent last 3 years. Wish this period to pass in moments.

Next major festival for Hindus is Teej on the calendar, which out of nothing made me to churn my thoughts that why only wives fast for husbands or in general, I should say why only females fast for males (will discuss later why I said so). I sincerely apologise to bug you with this dollish post. But life has been a ride of roller-coaster for the past few weeks for me, had a few laps of nervous breakdown as well, because of which I guess I developed this poor habit of thinking preposterous stuffs, but this one I really found suitable to place on my blog.

Now taking you down the lanes of my thoughts, I virtually feel that the evolution of fasts like Karwa Chauth, Vat Savitri or Teej clearly endorse we have had a strong male driven society which still influences 21st century India. A married woman fasts for her husband on Vat Savitri poojan, Karwa Chauth and Teej day. Moreover, the practice is not restricted to only wives fasting for husbands, but it is again assumed, that mothers (only) are responsible to offer prayers to God for the longevity of their “Son” and not daughter (which is why I asked in early part of this post why only females fast for males). I am sure most of you do not know how rigorous these fasts are. Just for your information, almost all types of fast I mentioned earlier involve zero consumption of water or any other edible item for 24 hours and in any traditional family, a woman is ought to take on these fasts. I fail to understand that how and when did these all started and why only females were made to take the pains and males to reap rewards (long life) for pains born by females.

Lord Shiva, according to Hindus is the destroyer of the universe. It is said that the supreme power, Lord Shiva is incomplete without Shakti, while Shiva being the male form and Shakti, the feminine aspects. That is why probably Lord Shiva is also known as “Ardhnarishwar” (literal meaning: God in form of Half Male & Half Female) and is worshiped in same eidolon at various pilgrimages. At one side, we give so much respect to female and say Shiv-Shakti is an awesome chord of perfect and even lord is incomplete without a female and the other side all are our customs and rituals expect women only to go an extra mile. Starting from when a girl is minor, she fasts for 16 Mondays (blah, blah..) to get a good husband, when gets a husband, she fasts for his long life, then fasts to get a baby boy and when gets a baby boy, starts fasting for his long life (in addition to husband’s long life). And in between all this, she is lost. Nobody bothers to think how she would manage to spend 4-5 such occasions per year without food and water for a day. Why do we not have any such instance when a husband spends a day on air for his wife’s long life or why do we not have a provision to fast for long life of a daughter? Does not a woman deserve a long life, considering she is the one who takes all the pain to bring a life on to the planet? That means a woman should go through all that require creating a life (okay, I understand, there is no escape for women because of Mother Nature’s rule) and try to appease gods and goddesses also asking their favour to raise a sapling into a tree. Together all this sounds like an end-to-end engagement for a woman (being in IT Industry, I could not resist using this cliché).

I am not trying to say what is wrong and what is right. The practices prevailing within and in the periphery of a religion are result of centuries of evolution, which I certainly cannot question, as I am not that qualified enough. However, I was surely trying to outline logic to answer my doubts, which I failed to, sadly. Evolution teaches to shed off such things, which have become redundant or do not bring any value to the core purpose of existence. But when we talk about religion, who would dare to decide on what has become superfluous and needs to be part off.

We are truly enjoying watching him learn something new every now and then. Barely completed 8 months, now this little man has started snatching every small thing he sees out of our hand. And an unsuccessful attempt irritates him to the core and then his fake crying and growling becomes a nightmare for Pooja and I. Be it food, be it TV remote, be it toys or newspaper, he has to get hold of everything. And his love towards laptop would make you feel as if he is a born techie. The way he moves his fingers over the keyboard gives an impression of a typist being in business since ages. My boy is really developing strong and we are finding difficult to set boundaries for him (unsure if we should).

He has mastered the art of rolling over. He does not leave any stone unturned when it comes to surprise us with his new tricks of rolling off the bed and specially when we least expect this. The best till date came last week, when he folded his legs towards the chest and came on to his knee, curling his upper body off the bed while sleeping. I did not have the camera around, so clicked that hilarious moment with my cell phone, which you can see below.

Please bear with me for picture being not very clear. It is something inexplicable to see a baby who was once laying in my arms completely dependent on me, is now developing an eagerness to grasp and learn from every bit of happenings around him. He is growing and it is an amazing feeling to see him climbing up the ladder but at the same I fear that I will lose the little baby in my dude. Now when Pooja and Darsh are leaving me to stay apart (hold on… we are very much together .. they are going to stay with my parents in Lucknow), I am holding a bunch mix of emotions. It will be a difficult phase to stay apart but the flip part would be Darsh would be with his grandparents and probably Pooja would be able to continue her job, the idea which we had started to ward off for past few months. Hope something better is stored in future for us.

किंकर्तव्यविमूढ़ हुआ मैं, झाँक रहा था खिड़की से |

कि ढलते सूरज की क़िरणें, आ टकराई पलकों से |

अंबर पर छाती काली निशा, खाती किरणों को तेजी से |

बढ़ती नभ में कालीमा, हो जैसे व्याकुल कहने को |

हर रैन ले आती है संग अपने, आशा इक उजले सवेरे की ||

ले सबक मैं प्रकृति से, पट खिड़की का बंद किया |

छत को देख अंधेरे कमरे में, फिर गहरी सी साँस लिया |

कुछ पल विचरण करने को, जा पहुँचा अतीत के आँगन में |

पाया समय ना कभी समान रहा, परसों कल और आज में |

तो क्यों ना करे कल उषा की आशा, जब वर्तमान मिला हो निष्प्रभ में ||